Let’s talk a little more about the emotional self, sometimes known as the small self but not to be confused with the “inner child”. The concept of our Inner Child is some thing totally different which we can discuss at a later date.
So things to know about our emotional self are:
The emotional self feels safe when it is able to identify with the person or situation at hand. Similar to a child the emotional self wants to be liked, needs to be heard and doesn’t respond well to any form of judgement. It is very important when someone is tied to their emotions that things seem fun and uncomplicated. They do not do well with reality when it confines them or limits their perception of freedom.
When communicating with someone who is controlled by their emotions, trying to “talk sense into them” is a total waste of time. All they are hearing is that you don’t respect them, understand them or care about their feelings and what is important to them and they will dig in and it will be war!
If you feel that you are a very logical and reasonable person then you are probably governed more by your intellect so when you come up against someone in their emotions you will get totally frustrated and instead of trying to bond with them you will alienate them by trying to reason with them to take a rational point of view; preferably yours. Good luck with that.
When trying to communicate with someone who is an emotional being you need to first speak in their terms. With emotional people everything relates to the senses not the mind. Say you are describing the car you want to buy. An intellectual person will say something like:
I have researched all the data on this car to be sure it to have decent gas mileage, and from what I can determine it’s by a reputable dealer and will have a good resale price for when we want to upgrade later.
an emotional person;
I love this car. It can go really far on a tank of gas so I will be able to get from home to the ocean for less than $10 so i can spend what I have saved on lunch. This brand has great colors and fabrics in the interior so it feels wonderful when you are sitting in it. It’s engine make a great sound too, so it is really exciting to drive! And sales man has the same type of dog I have, how neat is that.
Now these are extreme examples. What you ideally want is something in the middle, a blend of the emotions and the intellect.
To get anywhere with someone who is emotional you must find a point that you can bond on, emotionally. They have to trust that you are ‘like them’ enough to not judge them and disregard what they are invested in. Once you have done that then you can try to introduce some logic to them, again from the point of view of the senses and what would be fun.
So, you need to get your emotional friend to go to the doctor and they don’t want to. Stating all the dangers of not going and the fact that they need to take care of themselves will not work. Coming more from the point of view that you know it’s scary and you will help them find a doctor that they like and when you are done you can go for ice cream or to do something fun to celebrate will be a lot more successful.
Our intellect feels safe when it is financially provided for.
Emotions feel safe when they know they have others that like them and understand them.